Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Written by: Paige Tadpole
Date: April 13, 2009
Title: Sunshine

I wrote this poem about my Mama one day when I my heart was breaking. She used to sing "You Are My Sunshine" when I was a little girl so that's the inspiration behind this poem. My siblings and I all had our own song and this was my song. Now whenever I hear it, I think of her and when she used to sing it to me.


There are so many times when the memories of you fill every corner in my mind. There aren't any words to describe the feeling when I think of you. Your smile lights up my soul like sunshine on a dreary day. But then your smile is taken away with the sudden realization that you are gone.

You said sunshine makes the gray clouds disappear. You promised blue skies on a sunny day. To you I was your sunshine, but without you I cannot shine. Please come back where you belong that we may shine together.

You sang to me when I was a child about the sunshine and the rain, comforting me when I was scared or in pain. You held me, rocked me, and I always knew I was deeply loved by the touch of your hands. But you are gone now, leaving me to find my own way.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

What Do You See

Written by: Paige Tadpole
Date: May 18, 2010
Time: 10:00 PM

"What Do You See"

What do you see when you look at me? Do you see someone whose eyes are filled with sadness, a heart that is forever broken? Or do you see someone whose smile is as bright as the sun, and a soul that delights in love?

What do you see when you look at me? Do you see a life full of sin and darkness? Or do you see a servant for God who lives to share the love and forgiveness of God.

What do you when you look at me? Do you see someone who has nothing left to live for, a dull, empty vessel whose only living the motions? Or do you see someone who tries to make the best of every situation, who is just trying to survive this confusing life.

When you look at me, you could see my every imperfection and mistake. You could find the blackness called depression that tries to take over my soul. You could condemn and judge for all my faults and failures.

When you look at me, you could see how much love I have give. You could see the passions in life that make my heart burn. You could see my heart in ever ready worship to God. You could see my light shining bright in this dark world.

There are many things you could see in me. Whatever you may find, good or bad, is me. God made me uniquely different, there's no other me. You can judge me, you can praise me. But nothing will change the person I am.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


Written by: Paige Tadpole (Bullington at the time)
Date: October 1, 2006
Time: 8:10 AM

(This is something I wrote shortly after my Mama died. This is what my heart was feeling and trying to express at the time. It is entitled- Why.)


Why is a question that is so frequently asked, but the question that seems to go unanswered. So many people, in their pain, fight through the unknowing darkness around themselves; trying to catch a glimpse of the light. When failing to find the truth their hearts become bitter and begin to die.

Why, oh why must this pain come? Why doesn't it ever leave? Why is it always there, torturing me? Why is my heart so cold? It is the bitterness that courses through me, eating away at me, destroying me. Why, oh why must this pain come?

Why can't we hide from the pain, push it away, never to feel it again? Never to be touched by it's icy grip. We try to hide, but we can never escape. The pain always finds me and exposes me. But I hide the pain from others, put on a mask of happiness. But I am still lifeless, dull, in pain, and no one ever sees.

Sunday, May 9, 2010


This is something I wrote after my Mama died, and I was really depressed and sad. I want to start sharing some of my writings here on my blog. I can't say that the idea is mine. My aunt Andrea does the same thing, and I hope she won't mind me doing the same. Things I write about come from my heart, and what my heart was feeling at the time. They are not professional writings nor do they rhyme. They are just very honest feelings from my heart. I have already posted one before this one that is called Came To You . This one is called The Darkness. I will always continue to write, and I will find some more that I have written and share them with you.

There are moments like these that I begin to believe that my life has no purpose, no meaning, and that I was put here by mistake. It seems when I plunge through my misery to make it to the other side; the tunnel always becomes longer, darker, and I am afraid. Afraid that I will never see the light again.
It is for the saving of my soul that I must keep walking through this life of misery and pain. When will it all come to an end? When will my heart stop suffering as I plunge through the darkness? When will my soul be at peace? These questions haunt me, torment me, and I must walk alone...never knowing the answers.

Saturday, May 8, 2010


written by me after my mama died (2006)

I came to you, heartbroken and alone. I took your hand in mine, warm to the touch. I assured you everything was going to be alright, even though my heart did not feel that same reassurance. I told you countless times that I loved you with all of my being, but even that didn't bring you to me. I lay with you, cried for you, laughed for you, trying to be strong for you. But in the end you still went away.

I came to your side once more. This time I was afraid, afraid of the unknown. You were so far away yet still there. This time your skin, cold to the touch. I wept for you, tried to hide my pain behind a mask, and felt such unbearable sadness. Why did you have to leave? Why did you leave me alone in the world?

I came to you again, but you were not there...