Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Where Are You?

My heart is searching for the right words to say, the words that will make you understand how I feel. Frustration builds up that I can't even think straight. You have me so confused and you always leave me searching for answers. You leave me in the dark to find my own way even though you promised you would always be there. Do you receive joy from my suffering? Are you laughing as you carelessly toy around with my broken heart?

I was always taught to love you with all my heart. I was taught you are full of love and compassion. I was taught you would never put more on us than we can bear. But now I question everything I was taught to believe. I can't bear the pain anymore, I'm sick of it. If you truly loved me, you would not let so many horrible things happen.

I don't feel you here anymore, I haven't felt you in a very long time. I've tried to trust in you. Every single day I try to push away the horrible pain and try to trust that you know what you are doing. Every day I try to blindly follow you through this horrible life. Every day I try to have faith, faith that everything is going to be okay one day. But that day never comes, my answers are never answered, and you leave me alone in this cruel, dark world.

I have cried out to you more times than I could ever count. I've been on my face begging you for help. I tell others that you are the only thing getting me through life. But I'm barely getting by. Surviving just enough to feel this god awful pain. Where are you when I truly need you?

I don't understand so many things. You have all the control. You can make things happen or not make things happen. You have the power to take away some of the bad from this life, yet you choose not to. You choose to see us suffer. You choose to let things happen that breaks us down. People say you love your children, but I don't understand how you could love us and let us constantly suffer. I just don't understand....