Wednesday, May 25, 2011

My Sweet Kitty, Midnight!

My precious baby girl, Midnight

Midnight and Izzie laying/sitting on top of the computer



Izzie laying in Midnight's bed after she died.

Burying Midnight with her favorite toy which was the ring off a milk jug.

My wonderful boss helping me do one of the hardest things ever. Thank you, Vicki Baker!

Hi everyone! It's been awhile since I've blogged about anything going on in my life. I think about it sometimes, but usually I can't really think of anything to talk about. Seems like I just stay at home or go to work, and I didn't think anyone would want to hear about those things. But tonight I come to you with a heavy heart. My precious little kitty, Midnight died early Sunday morning (May 22nd). When I got home from work on Thursday (May 19th) all my kitties were fine, but after my husband, Jeremiah got home from work he came and woke me up saying that something was wrong with Midnight. He said she was favoring one of her legs. I got up to check on her, and I what saw was so heartbreaking. Her two back legs were dragging behind her when she walked. She couldn't use her legs anymore, and I went into instant hysteria. I immediately started checking online for a vet we could take her to. Everything was closed since this happened in the middle of the night. Finally we found a vet on call and he told us to take her to the pet emergency hospital in Tallahassee. So we got dressed, got Midnight wrapped up in my fuzzy robe and went to Tallahassee. I had no clue what was wrong with her and was scared to death. I cried on and off the whole ride there. We finally arrived after what seemed like hours getting there. The vet said she could have hurt her back from falling or something, but then she checked Midnight's pulse behind her legs and the pulse was very faint. The vet said if it was a back injury the pulse/blood flow wouldn't be affected. She said that Midnight had a blood clot and would need to get on some treatments for it. She would need a blood thinner, antibiotic and pain meds. She asked if we would like to start the treatments there and then resume them closer to where we live. I immediately agreed since I just wanted my baby be well and normal again. They then told us the first treatment would be over $500.00 and there was no way we could afford it. The vet told us we could get her a shot for the pain and then take her to a vet closer to where we live first thing in the morning. They gave Midnight the shot which was $166.00 which I think is totally ridiculously insane. We went home and I got an hour of sleep before I had to be at work. Since I had to work Jeremiah took Midnight to the vet and they said she needed to get half of a baby aspirin daily and pain meds twice a day. They told us if she is not better by Monday to bring her back. I was immediately wary because I knew if she didn't get some kind of antibiotic her back legs would get infected since the blood could not flow there. I worked all day Friday and Saturday. She seemed to be about the same come Saturday evening when I got home from work. I was so worried she would die and I called the vet up again but he wouldn't see her. He just said since we use a vet in another county that I would have to take her to Tallahassee. On Saturday night I put her in the cat bed I bought for her and placed it next to my bed so I could keep a close eye on her. Jeremiah checked on her in the middle of the night and she was still the same. She couldn't walk anymore, she just dragged around very slowly. And she wouldn't eat or drink and I kept giving her water with a syringe since she wouldn't drink on her own. She threw up food once so I thought she had eaten something when I wasn't looking since we kept the food and water close to her at all times. Her voice got weak, her strong meow was now a little squeak. It was so hard seeing her so sick and I was so helpless. I knew if we had had the money to get her the treatments she needed she wouldn't have died. When we got up Sunday morning I immediately went to check on her. I said, "how are you Midnight?" and she didn't move. She usually always lifts her head when she hears me say her name. I snapped my fingers near her ears in case she didn't hear me and she still didn't move. I screamed for Jeremiah to come and he jumped out of bed and came to check on her. He lifted her out of her bed and she was already stiff. He said she's gone and my heart just broke in pieces. I started to sob and I held her in my arms and rocked her little body. I tried so hard to make her wake up or come back to me but she never would. She just laid there with her big bright eyes staring off into nothingness. I buried her that day at my boss' house since she is in a more permanent living place than I am. I am planning on moving someday and didn't want to leave her behind. It's been so hard living without Midnight. She had such a big personality and her presence is missed. I miss her meowing at me all the time, when she wanted to be petted, when she wanted food, her trying to steal food off my plate, her sitting in front of me staring at me the whole time I ate hoping I would give her a bite. Her laying in my lap in the evenings when I would watch TV or read a book, her laying on top of the computer trying to catch the cursor on the screen, or blending in with our black computer desk while she slept and then would scare me when she would move and I didn't know she was there. Her always curious about the outside world and me always telling her "No, Midnight. Get back from the door" when I would come inside. I just miss all the little things about her. I miss her being here. I miss her presence. My kitties are my kids and it's killing me knowing Midnight is forever gone. I was taught to believe that animals can't go to Heaven, but I can't accept that. I have to believe she is in Heaven with my mama. My mama loved cats and I just picture my mom having Midnight curled up in her lap. I know my mama will be taking care of Midnight for me until I get there. Now I am focused on my other two kitties, they have been so sad losing Midnight. After I got home from burying Midnight I found Izzie laying in the cat bed she died in and I know he was missing her. Fluffy hasn't gone outside since Midnight got sick and I know it's because of Midnight. I just miss her so much and cry all the time because she is gone. Some people may think it's silly to feel this much for a cat, but I do and I am not going to apologize to anyone about it. It's me and you can either take me or leave. Frankly I just don't care. I just want my babies and my husband and my family and everyone I love to all be safe, and I don't want to lose anyone else. It's just too painful. Well, it's already late and I need to go to bed because I work tomorrow. I hope everyone is doing well and in better spirits than I am in these days. Good bye until next time...



CAPow! said...

I read your story with tears in my eyes. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know what you're going through, something very similar happened with my first cat about 6 years ago, and my heart is still broken over it <3 xxxx